The Chateau Marmont where real celebrities party with fans

The allure of David Cook is somewhat lost of me — let’s be kind and chalk it up to me being too old for him — but apparently he has a crazed bunch of groupies who chase, harass and stalk him in hotel rooms.

Gee, I wonder if they use my favorite site, “Hotels of the Rich and Famous” track him down?

However they find him, apparently these enthusiastic girls (guys? the articles don’t mention gender…) are managing to get into his hotel rooms and invade his sacred and holy privacy.

This had David in such a tizzy that he resorted to posting a screed on his MySpace page telling fans that their attempts to provide “turn down service” are unhealthy.

I have several questions:

• How bad it the hotel security where he stays that people can get into his room? Are they mugging maids? Hasn’t he heard of throwing the deadbolt?
• How ugly are these fans that he’s not “enjoying” their company?
• What kind of a rock star scolds his fans for trying to be groupies?
• WWTLD? (What would Tommy Lee Do? — and I think we all know the answer to that)
• Shouldn’t David be too busy drinking, fornicating and working on his “craft” to complain about too much fan attention?

David Cook is trying to single-handedly destroy the whole celebrity hotel room mystique, and I think he should be stopped. Where is Lindsay Lohan when we need her? Or Britney Spears? One of them needs to set up a private tutoring session at the Chateau Marmont, including proper celebrity hotel etiquette like drunk lobby antics, television tossing, and maid flashing.

The future of rock and roll depends on it!